Teacher's Pet
by Didodikali
Summary: Hermione studies to become an animagus. Professor Snape is not amused. Illustrated!
1. Snake I's

** Teacher's Pet **

A Harry Potter Fanfic by Didodikali  
Rowling's characters do not belong to me!  
However these pictures _are_ mine.  
Rated PG-13.  
  
**Read this story with illustrations!  
**http://lizardlounge.com/Natasha/Didodikali/snake/snake.html  


Now also available translated into Portuguese!  
http://www.didodikali.kit.net/

Translated by the fabulous Aline Carneiro.  
Huge thanks! This woman rocks my world!  
http://www.acasadesheeba.hpg.ig.com.br/index.htm

  


Professor McGonagall didn't like me working on this alone. She'd said that sometimes when people first transform that they find the experience too overwhelming. Like getting transported to Fairyland, she'd said. But I just couldn't focus with Ron and Harry watching and giggling at me in the Common Room. And even the girl's rooms were surprisingly loud with doors banging and people whispering in the halls until bedtime. So I'd snuck away from the Christmas party to an alcove near the front door of Gryffindor Tower to meditate.

Professor McGonagall had told me that so many people are not able to become animagi because they're only open to big handsome animals like lions or tigers or bears. Who wants to spend months of work only to discover that one's inner animal is a leech or maybe a gopher?

But I wasn't in it for an ego boost, I just wanted to know how the thing was done. I'd gone through the dictionary of animals from aardvark to rhinocerous. Now I was meditating on the Ss. Somewhere in this dictionary I would find something that felt right. I took my shoes off and got comfortable, stared into a little hand mirror for a minute so I wouldn't forget who I was, crossed my legs and shut my eyes. I said the words and ran my mind through the now familiar warm-up meditation ritual. Then I started feeling things out. _Salamander?. ....no. ...Salmon?......no. Scallop?. ....no. ....Scorpion?.....no. ...Seagull?.....no. ....._

_**Picture here.**_

It took forever but I didn't care; I wanted to get through the Ss tonight. _ ..........finally....Snail?.....no.   
Snake..................................._

Oh! Oh, my god!

_**Picture here.**_

I looked in the mirror. I was a snake! _Eeew!_ But I couldn't help feeling delighted that I'd finally done it. I looked again at my reflection. I was brightly coloured in red, yellow and black stripes. Rather pretty, actually. _Wow, I look absolutely poisonous! How cool!_

And then I saw a movement in the mirror; there was something behind me. I whipped around, tasting something delicious on the air, and I looked in the direction of the taste. Something hot and furry, its blood strangely visible to me, glowing warmly through its fur...I grabbed it in my jaws and choked the life out of it...and then it was gone.

_...Oops. Well, that was gross. I wonder if that mouse will still be in my stomach when I change back..._

And then I tried to change back .....and couldn't. _Aaaaaagh!_

Professor McGonagall's teachings slid through my brain. Form follows function. Mind over matter. Never eat the food of Fairyland else you won't return for seven years. Don't do this alone. _Oh, no!_

I knew Professor McGonagall was still at the Christmas party. Somehow I had to get to her. Somehow I had to get help. Seven years! I slithered out the front door of Gryffindor Tower and wriggled as quickly as I could to the Main Hall.

_It's snowing!_ The paving stones were freezing and wet and my slithering got slower and slower... _Oh yeah. I'm a cold-blooded reptile! Oh, noooo! _But before I froze to death, footsteps approached and then stopped next to me. Hagrid's voice, miles above me boomed, "Eeek! A snake!"

"It's a Scarlet King snake. Not poisonous although it's colouring does mimic the extremely venomous Coral snake. Red and yellow...maybe it's a Gryffindor familiar?" That was Professor Snape's voice.

"Well, if it's a Gryffindor familiar, I'd better take it to Professor McGonagall." And Hagrid picked me up, by the tail which was uncomfortable, but his hands were blessedly warm. _Yes! I'm saved!_

"I wouldn't. She's had a few too many Christmas schnapps with Albus. I don't think she'll appreciate you dropping a snake on her tonight."

"Aah," said Hagrid, "Well, I've got a little aquarium up at the house-"

Snape sounded appalled. "-I've seen your reptile coffin! Give me the goddamn snake! I'll give her to Minerva tomorrow."

_Nooooooo! _But Hagrid was giving in. "Her? You can tell?"

"Only girl snakes have those cute little twisty tails."

_Snape thinks my tail is cute_? I was handed over. Snape held me gently in hands that were much smaller and much cooler than Hagrid's and they said their farewells. Then Snape looked me in the eye. "You are in a whole heap of trouble. Only a Gryffindor snake would go outside in winter. No proper Slytherin familiar would be so stupid. I should have let Hagrid stuff you into his miserable cold glass box."

_**Picture here.**_

I wasn't going to get a more opportune moment than this. I stuck my little forked snake tongue out at the nastiest teacher in the school. _Blaaaaaaattt! _He raised his eyebrow at me and stuffed me into the pocket of his robe. _Warm! Finally! And hopefully Professor McGonagall will be able to help me tomorrow._

I could hear Professor Snape talking to himself as he entered the dungeons and walked down the stairs. "What a waste of time! Just because _he_ would hate being a hermit doesn't mean that _I_ can't find it great fun! Christmas parties suck. I could have been running another experiment; now it's too late!"

_You talk to yourself. And to snakes. You're nuts._

He pulled me out of his pocket once we got to his flat in the dungeon. I swiveled my head, looking around and around. White walls. Bookshelves. Ordinary-looking oak furniture. Not what I was expecting. "What?" he said to me, "Looking for the piles of gnawed human skulls? So sorry, they're in the wash." 

_Why am I not surprised that you're snide even to defenceless little animals..._

He carried me into another room and tossed me on a bed. He walked around the bed, muttering and quickly sketching a design in the air with his wand. Then he lit the fire in the fireplace and left. The fire looked inviting, so I thought I'd slither over and warm up, but I couldn't slide off the bed. The unfamiliar spell he'd cast had walled me in. _Darn!_

Professor Snape returned after a while. His hair was wet and he was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt with _Snakes Rule_ emblazoned over a big green snake. I wished I was back to being human again just so I could snicker at it. He sat down on the bed with a teacup and saucer and an arcane-looking periodical.

I'd never seen him in muggle clothes before. He never even rolls up his sleeves when Potions class gets messy. The faint shadow of the mark on his naked arm reminded me why. _Would he cover it back up if he knew I was really a human?_

_He doesn't know who I am... I don't want to stare. _I looked at the alchemy journal that he was flipping through instead._ ...It is really quite interesting._

I felt cold again, but I wasn't about to warm up by him. I curled the end of my tail through the handle of the teacup that he had set down on the bed. It felt just like a hot water bottle. _Oh, perfect! _I twisted forward trying to get a better viewing angle at the text he was reading while holding onto the teacup with my tail. Professor Snape seemed to find my efforts amusing. "A snake that can read. I think not."

I hissed and nodded my head furiously. _ I can, too!_

"Well, if you say so, Miss Snake. But I won't believe a snake can read this article faster than me. You must be skimming the difficult bits." 

Well, that was true enough. Slightly chastened, I looked back at the previous page, which made him chuckle. He picked me up and draped me over his knee so I could have a better view of the journal. "Too bad Hagrid found you first," he said. "Pity you're not green, too. If you weren't dressed in Gryffindork colours I'd be tempted to keep you. Missing snake? Nope, haven't seen it. No, I've had _this_ snake for years. So sorry, guess you'll have to buy another familiar. Hahahaha!"

_**Picture here.**_

Snape sounded like a naughty little kid when he laughed. Actually he sounded like Ron. I looked up at him. _I'll bet you earned detentions all the time when you were a kid. IF you ever got caught... which you probably didn't..._

  


  
  


  


An hour later Professor Snape doused the lights and went to bed. He'd stuck me under the covers, which creeped me out some, but the fireplace had fizzled out to embers and his shoulder was warm, so I stayed where I was. 

_This is so weird._

Finally I slept, but even in my dreams I was still a snake. 

I was a snake and I lived in an apple tree but the apples were too big for me to take a bite out of them, my fangs just slid off. _How frustrating!_

Then Professor Snape walked by, picked a fang-pricked apple off the branch I was on, took a bite and then offered it to me. I tasted the sweet white flesh and then I fell out of the tree onto the ground and lay there stunned. _Oh, no, was the apple poisoned? Had I poisoned it with my own fangs?_

Professor Snape picked me up, dusted me off and put me back in the tree. And then I felt fine and went to go have another taste of the apple. _Guess it isn't poisoned after all. Yum!_

  


  
  


  


Perhaps Professor Snape's apartment _was_ in the dungeon, but it did have basement windows. I woke slowly with the sun in my eyes. I stretched, which took a long time. _What a great day for a slither! Hmm. Uh-oh. That was a very snakey thought. What if I'm stuck like this forever! Perhaps if I tried to think less snakey thoughts..._

Human thoughts, human thoughts...I looked over at Professor Snape, the closest thing to human around at the moment. He was still asleep. His hair was falling into his face. _Gosh, I must be a pretty tiny snake; his nose seems as big as my head from this perspective._

_**Picture here.**_

The patch of sunlight crept over to Professor Snape and he opened one eye. I looked into it. _Now, if I was human, what would I be thinking? Hmm. Wish I had eyelashes like that._ _Too bad I'm a snake and I don't even have eyelids._ The sunlight picked out hazel and green reflections in his black eye. He smiled at me suddenly and reached out and petted me on the head just exactly the way I pet Crookshanks. Then his long fingers closed around me and he pulled me closer...and he kissed me on the top of the head...just exactly the way I kiss Crookshanks.

But still. He kissed me! _Eeeeek!_ And then there was a swirling rushing feeling inside me and ...I changed back. I was human again!

_**Picture here.**_

Professor Snape screamed and jerked away from me. I leaped up and tried to run, but I crashed into the invisible barrier around the bed. _Darn, it's spelled for **me**, not for snakes! _I looked back at Snape. He scrambled backwards out of bed, through the barrier, and then he waved his hand at it. It no longer felt like I was leaning a brick wall; now it felt like I was stuck to a big sheet of flypaper. I couldn't move my hands or my knee away from it.

Professor Snape was murmuring spellwords too quietly for me to hear; his wand flew into his hand, I felt a surge of energy through the barrier. It occurred to me that surprising an ex-Deatheater in his bed a few seconds after he's woken up was an unhealthy thing to do. He probably thought I was there to kill him. _Oh, my god! He's gonna blast me with something!_ I yelled, "It's me, Hermione! I was the snake!"

"Miss Granger?" He stared at me suspiciously, as though he'd only just recognized me. "What the hell are you up to? Are you an assassin under the Imperius? Or are you trying to get me fired?" Either way it looked like I was still in for capital punishment; the rising ire in his voice was far beyond his casual classroom nastiness.

"No! Please don't kill me! I got stuck! Yesterday was my first day in that form. I was doing an independent study project with Professor McGonnagall, animagus forms, I was just doing the meditation, I didn't think I'd get it to work so soon and then I couldn't change back and I went to look for Professor McGonnagall to help me and..." I was babbling, but it looked like he believed me. At least he lowered his wand and the charged feeling in the air around me lessened and then faded away altogether. "I'm really sorry for bothering you. Can I go now?" I asked, a little pathetically.

He flicked his wrist and the forcefield around the bed vanished. I fell off the bed into a heap on the floor. I scrabbled to my feet, and edged my way around him. I wanted to just run through his apartment so I could get to the exit, but I had too much pride for that. I walked carefully and with as much dignity as I could muster. Professor Snape followed me to the door. "Ten points from Gryffindor for harking me off," he said and then asked, "How _did_ you get stuck in snake form?"

"Well, I...found a mouse in the hall last night...and....before I knew what I was doing...I ate it...and then I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't mean to eat it. It was just so automatic...and the whole process of stalking it... it was so... and eating it!...I...I..."

"Yes?" he said, and opened his door. He was obviously preparing to shove me out.

"I really want to eat another mouse and I'm a vegetarian!!" I burst out.

Professor Snape rolled his eyes at me. "Go _away_, Granger."

"Yessir, just one more thing-"

_**Picture here.**_

He interrupted me, glowering. "-Are you sure the vaunted Gryffindor courage isn't just brazen stupidity?"

"Erm. No comment. I...uh...like your snake T-shirt. Where can I get one?"

My question elicited from him the ghost of an appreciative smirk. "The Slytherin Quidditch team gave me mine," he said. "You can try asking Malfoy Junior if he's got any left. If that's all, Miss Granger?"

I nodded and he slammed the door in my face. I stood there for a second and then turned to leave, but was stopped by what I heard coming from behind his door. I took a step closer, and then suddenly afflicted with Gryffindor courage again (or maybe it was curiosity or just plain nosiness) I pressed my ear to his door. "Mmmm, yummy. Mouse!" I heard him say and then the sound again. I smiled and stepped away.

I had no intention of going the long way home through the dungeon, even if it was indoors. I had no coat, no hat and no shoes, but I went up the stairs and ran sock-footed through the winter slush to Gryffindor Tower, warmed by the sound of his laughter.

He really does sound just like Ron.

  


  


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	2. Cross I'd Bear

A Harry Potter Fanfic by Didodikali  
Rowling's characters do not belong to me!  
However these pictures _are_ mine.  
Rated PG-13.  


_Chapter Two_  
**Cross I'd Bear**  
_Minerva Speaks_  


**Read this story with illustrations!  
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I knocked on Severus's door with, I must admit, a certain unholy glee. When he opened it, despite the lateness of the afternoon, he was still wearing the shirt that Miss Granger had told me about under a dressing gown. "Merry Christmas, Severus," I said. 

"Minerva," he said, tight-lipped. The red-marked potions essays he held crumpled in his grip.

"Love the shirt. Where'd-"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Malfoy! Ask the little Malfoy swot! Now begone!" He went to slam the door, but my foot had already prevented that.

"Poppy's on holiday, so I was wondering if you had any Hair-of-the-Dog Potion. And don't yell. Please."

He sighed. "And I was so hoping to avoid you until next year. All right; I'll go check." He jerked his head in invitation and I stepped into his quarters. I stood waiting in his sitting room while he opened the door that led directly to the potions storeroom from his flat. I watched him discreetly as he opened cubboards and drawers and slammed them shut. 

He returned looking quite disgusted. "I don't stock that potion, and it seems my stores have been raided of mistletoe -no doubt for twee usages- so I can not brew you any. My supplies for next term won't arrive for another few days," he said and then with great reluctance added, "We could check Poppy's stores up at the infirmary. The students have less access to her inventory."

I'd planned to delay Severus from his usual routine of tromping around the school looking for trouble-makers so that Hermione could get on with her delightful Christmas idea without him noticing her suspicious lateness to the Feast. An hours delay in the dungeon would have been perfect, but an hour in the infirmary was a close second. I nodded my agreement and immediately wished I'd just voiced it. Ow. My head really did want that hangover cure. When will I learn that _no one_ can outparty Albus?

Severus threw his hands up in defeat, which made him look even more like a big flappy bat than usual. "Let me just go get dressed," he said and disappeared into his rooms. He returned in short order looking like a much tidier flappy bat, showed me out, warded his door and preceded me out of the dungeons.

"Miss Granger informed me of her adventure last night," I said.

"I assumed as much." Severus put his hands into his sleeves and favored me with an icy glare.

"She seemed quite taken with you," I said and bit my lip over an unladylike guffaw.

Severus registered faint surprise and then rolled his eyes. "Tell her to queue up behind all the Slytherin girls. And Voldemort."

"_Voldemort!?_"

"Rather. Last time I was at a meeting he was all over me."

"He was not."

There was a glint of something that looked suspiciously like humour in his eye. "He was. Hey, I'll take Veritaserum and tell you the same story."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Didn't I hear that you'd worked up a tolerance to Veritaserum by taking it every day? Tell me a story, indeed." 

Severus shot me a swift piercing look. "Albus _told_ you? Just brilliant. Hmmm. You don't trust me as far as you can throw me, do you?"

This is not true. I do trust him. Albus told me that when endangered Severus can lie under Veritaserum well enough to fool both Voldemort and Fudge, but when he's not in danger the words that spill out of his mouth are mostly the unvarnished truth, unlovely and unappetizing. Well, mostly. If he really wants to, he can lie about anything.

I tucked my arm into his. "Oh, I don't know. If I turned you into a toad, I bet I could throw you pretty far."

"Ooooh. Threaten me again. You know I love that." And he does. Severus is usually reserved to the point of shyness, he deals badly with both compliments and criticism, talking about his past makes him angry, talking about his future makes him depressed and he has no interest in small talk. Which pretty much just leaves teasing him mercilessly, which done carefully, he really does seem to like. 

And of course Severus can give as good as he can get. We entered the castle only to see Draco grinning as Hermione shrugged into a very familiar-looking shirt. Severus almost laughed aloud. "Why look, Minerva, young Malfoy has transfigured your brightest little star into a Slytherin cheerleader. What a wizard!"

Annoying as that was, Hagrid, who can't keep a secret even if he promises, was coming around the corner. I'd promised Hermione to help her with her surprise and it wasn't going to _be_ a surprise if we waited around. I seized Severus by the arm and dragged him away from the group and towards the infirmary.

Once we were out of sight I looked up to see him still smiling slightly. "Having a nice Christmas?" I asked him.

"Adequate," he said.

"What would make it perfect? Tell me, what do you REALLY want for Christmas?"

"Voldemort's head on a plate," he said and looked at me hopefully as if I might pull just such a vile object out from under my robes and hand it to him.

I laughed and fished in my pocket. "How about a chocolate frog, instead?"

"Hmm," he said noncommitally, but he took the frog.

We entered the infirmary and Severus went directly to Poppy's stores. He sorted through her supplies, said "Ha!" when he found the mistletoe and started preparing the potion.

He's the youngest teacher here, and except for our eternally renewing DADA teachers, the newest. I still remember him as a student. And I forget sometimes that time has gone by and he's been here for years, but he has and it shows. I watched him put the potion together with the ease of the master that I am sometimes still surprised he is. I risked small talk again. "Do you like teaching?" I asked him.

"Yes." He looked up at me, startled. _Ha! Caught you off guard._

"Why?" I asked. _Merlin, how much did I drink last night? I think I'm still drunk._

"I like being in the lab every day and I like terrorizing children. Teaching combines my two favorite hobbies."

I giggled at that, which made him sneer with derision. "Why do you think I'm joking? Albus _told_ you I am on Veritaserum all the time, you wretched woman. Stop asking me daft questions!"

He pulled the simmering potion off the flame, ladled some into a teacup, garnished it with something labelled _essence of slug_ and handed it to me. 

I took a sip and gagged. It was like drinking cheap perfume that had fermented badly. "Is it _supposed_ to have this disgusting flavor?" 

"Yes. Poppy's ambergris is particularly fresh. Drink up; I'm getting hungry for dinner."

It has been so long since I've worked with potions that I remember very little. "Ambergris?" I said, dreading the faint memory.

"Whale vomit," he confirmed with some gusto.

I frowned into the teacup. "This can't be right. It's just too awful."

"Wuss," he said. He grabbed the teacup from me and drank. "See," he said. He ladled more into the teacup, pressed it into my hand and then suddenly turned white and grabbed the countertop.

I looked at him. "There _is_ something wrong with it."

"No, just me. Reaction with the Veritaserum. I didn't know." He was gasping and his voice sounded more and more strangled. "Poppy's not got ordinary mistletoe. Hers cut with silver sickle during new moon. Unlabeled though, the incompetent bitch. Oh, bug-" And then Severus was gone and in his place was a ten foot tall polar bear.

"Well, if you're sure the potion is fine for _me_," I said. I pinched my nose and drank the rest of the potion and felt my headache instantly disappear. _And I'm now sober, too! Excellent!_

The polar bear sat on the floor and stared at me with glittery round black eyes. Severus's Animagus form is among the most useless I have ever seen for spying, or even just walking around in a temperate climate, which has always grated on him. "Aren't you going to change back?" I asked.

"Raaaaaargh!" he said.

"Reaction with the Veritaserum, you said? You mean you're stuck like that?" I started cleaning up Poppy's counter. "For how long?"

Severus the polar bear shrugged hugely and voiced a sepulchral whine. I scrubbed Poppy's cauldron and put it away. Then I opened the infirmary door and let Severus out. He chuffed at me and ambled away towards the dungeons. "Severus, can you open your wards with your wand incorporated into your Animagus form?"

The polar bear stopped.

"I thought you'd said you were hungry," I said.

Severus howled in frustration. Then he turned around and accompanied me to the Hall for the Christmas Feast. I grinned at him and he growled at me. _Well, this will be fun._

  


  
~8~  
_And lead us not into temptation...  
_~8~  
  


Our trip to the infirmary had quite successfully made us a tiny bit late to the Christmas Feast. We had missed the speech and Hagrid, Draco and Hermione were back from whatever back of the beyond they'd been visiting and the small table was laid and waiting. 

They all stared at us when Severus and I walked in. Harry looked impressed. "Did someone give you a new pet for Christmas?" he asked me.

"No. This is Professor Snape. He's... We were... uh..." _Hmm. How would Severus like me to explain this?_ I looked at him hoping for a hint, but Severus just stared at me blankly. "Yes, well, he's a polar bear today. My, that turkey looks good!" I said and sat down next to Albus.

Albus squeezed my knee under the tablecloth in greeting and grinned at the white bear that bellied up to the table. "You look like you've been having an entertaining holiday, Severus." 

"Aaaahrurh," said the polar bear nonchalantly.

Harry stared and sniggered. "What happened to _you_? You can't take points off us like that, can you! Haha!"

"Mister Potter!" I said, but Severus took the situation into his own...er.. paws. He rose rampant, slammed a paw onto the tablecloth and reached over a good three feet of table to enclose Harry's head in his jaws. He roared and gabbled his four inch fangs gently around Harry's ears and then let him go.

Harry blinked through the drool. "I see your point, sir," he said and began to wipe his face off with his napkin.

Severus sat back down grumpily, and then noticed Hermione sitting next to him, quivering and grinning. He looked at the blob of drool he'd dropped on her plate and reached out to sop it up with the back of his paw. "Ruuowrh," he said.

Albus stood up with his wand in hand. "Allow me to assist, Severus," he said and waved some yellow sparks towards the bear.

Severus growled and tried to duck. "Grrowrooorarrrraaaaroooroomay as well just pack me off to Voldemort right now and put me out of my misery, you manipulative, saccharine old codger. ...Oh. Well, what do you know, now I'm a _talking_ bear. Thanks awfully, Headmaster."

Albus twinkled in his general direction. "Anytime, Severus."

"Pass the ham, please," said Severus. Hagrid and Draco passed the ham down to the other end of the table. Severus picked up the whole ham in his jaws and put it on his plate. There was a collective silence and then we all decided that we'd really wanted just roast beef and turkey anyway.

We all started passing plates around and in the bustle, the strangeness of an ursine professor at the end of the table delicately gnawing on a ham without the use of silverware was forgotten.

Over the hubbub of conversation and chewing, Albus asked me, "Are you wearing my present?"

"Maaaaaaybe," I said.

Albus's hand touched my knee again, travelled up my thigh and felt around until he was quite sure that I _was_ indeed wearing the stripey thigh-high stockings he had given me. With garter belt. If possible, Albus's grin got even wider. Perhaps it would meet round the back and the top of his head would fall off.

I slapped his hand gently. "Later, tiger."

"Aw."

I ate my veggies and eavesdropped on Severus and Hermione having a quiet conversation about my techniques for teaching Animagus forms. It was rather difficult to hear them over Harry and Draco who were talking about- no surprise- Quidditch. Perhaps it could be better described as arguing about Quidditch; they were getting quite hot under the collar.

"Merlin, it's hot in here. Somebody open a window," said Severus.

"It's _not_ hot in here; you're a polar bear. Go roll in the snow," said Hagrid. "That's a nice holiday outfit though. Very... festive."

Four inch fangs make for a very impressive sneer. "Festive," said Severus. "Do I look like a red-nosed reindeer to you?"

Hagrid shoved a glass of cider at him. "Aahg. Have a cold drink, ya overbearing.... er."

Severus dipped a long black tongue into the glass. "Yuck. Bears don't like cider. It's still too hot in here. I think I'll step outside, get some fresh air."

Hagrid stood up, too. "I'll go with you. Going to roll in the snow?"

".......No."

"I dare you to make a snow angel."

"Absolutely not," said Severus.

"I bet I can make a better snow angel than you," said Hagrid.

The bear looked up at him. "...How much money do you have?" 

Hagrid opened the door. "I'll wager whatever I've got in my pockets."

"Eeew. What _have_ you got in your pockets? Besides lint, skrewt droppings and dog food crumbs. We _are_ talking money here, right?" said Severus and he stepped out into the dark with Hagrid.

The rest of us sat around the remains of the banquet in silent, contented torpor for several minutes. Finally Albus waved the dinner dishes away. The tablecloth shook itself and the crumbs and spills vanished. New place settings for the last course, the pudding, appeared on the table.

Hermione peered around Harry to ask Draco nervously, "When do you think it'll get here?" Harry made a face.

Suddenly cinders spilled out of the fireplace onto the floor. "Now," said Draco.

Hermione and Draco jumped up from the table and together they snatched up a little cardboard box that popped out of the fire. I ran over, too, to inspect what they'd been sent. "Let me see it," I said.

"No time! Here they come!" Draco hit the box with his wand which charmed it green and we all ran back to the table as Hagrid and Severus came back inside.

"Thanks for nothing, you impecunious slob," said Severus, shaking snow out of his sleeves. _Oh, look, he's back to being human. Mistletoe must have worn off._

Hagrid slapped the now much smaller man on the back.

"Ow!" said Severus. "Hands off, meatloaf. And if you don't shut up about your stupid secret, I'll obliviate you myself."

"Oh, no!" I said. "Hagrid didn't tell you, did he?"

Severus looked at me. "No, but watching him clamp his jaws shut with his own hands is pathetic. Truly, Hagrid, it's no trouble. You wouldn't remember a thing."

"Naw, I think I can manage to hold my tongue just long enough," said Hagrid.

"Hmmm." Severus pulled over the chair he had not used while in bear form and sat down.

"Surprise," said Hagrid.

"Waagh!" Severus noticed the box on his plate, flinched and then looked up at Hagrid. "Looking forward to your imminent poisoning, are you, dead man?"

Hagrid waved his hand. "Oh, it's not from me."

Hermione said, "Yes, it is! It's from Hagrid, me and Draco!"

"It was the gel's idea," said Hagrid, pointing at Hermione.

Hermione pointed back at Hagrid. "You found it," she said. "And Draco helped us get around the-- well, never mind. It's legal now. The red tape is green."

I'd thought Hermione's idea a good one and given permission. Hagrid's connections had found the snake and Draco, who had been invited to join in on the premise that a present from a Malfoy would be more difficult for Severus to refuse, had been of far more use than they'd initially imagined. It had seemed a good idea at the time, but Severus was more obstinate than we thought.

"Legal? Oh, no. I don't give or accept Christmas presents and certainly not from students," he said. Severus looked angry and embarrassed. Except for when he's teaching, Severus is always uncomfortable being the center of attention.

"Just this once, Severus. Be a sport." Only Albus could coerce Severus when he looked like this.

Severus studied the box doubtfully. "It better not be expensive."

Hagrid gestured joyously at the children again. "The little ones and I split the cost and it wasn't."

The box wiggled slightly. Severus noticed the little holes punched in its sides and looked horrified. "Oh, no! It _is_ a skrewt."

"It's not! Open it!" Draco and Hermione were practically jumping up and down. Harry just looked bored.

Severus tried, but he would have looked far more grim and forbidding if he hadn't also been blushing a bit. He lifted the lid. A tiny green head peeped out of the box and pulled its tongue at him.

Hagrid said, "It's only just hatched. It's a-"

"-A keeled green snake. I know. _Opheodrys vernalis_. Where did you _find_ this?" And then he seemed to realize how covetous that had sounded and was suddenly chagrined.

Hagrid was oblivious. "Heh heh. Do you like it?"

"Well. .......erm......I....." Severus seemed unhappy. He opened his mouth-- 

"-Severus," said Albus and when the younger man looked up at him, Albus caught and held his eye.

"You don't have a familiar at the moment," Hermione said. "And you _said_ you liked green snakes." Her gaze flickered between Albus and Severus, following the silent conversation between the professor and the headmaster.

"....That's true," Severus was finally compelled to say.

"So, you'll take it?" Hermione asked anxiously.

"I...er....yes. Thank you."

"Time for pudding!" said Albus with sudden unexpected mercy, and as the puddings magically appeared, everyone went back to their seats. Draco returned to his argument about Quidditch with Harry and Hagrid took two servings of pudding.

Severus declined pudding and let his new pet crawl around on his desert plate. Hermione grinned provokingly at him. "Is she going to sleep in your bed, Professor?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at the girl. "No, she's much too young. I'll borrow Hagrid's aquarium."

"That cold glass box? Oh, that's mean."

Severus contemplated the little snake. "Yes. Yes, it is."

Spying from the other end of the table, I could only wonder whether Severus thought he was telling the truth this time. _Oh, dear._ _I can't tell anymore._

  


~8~  
No better love than love with no object,  
no more satisfying work than work with no purpose.  
~8~  


**Read this story with illustrations!  
**http://lizardlounge.com/Natasha/Didodikali/snake/snake2.html

The end. =)  
Did you like this story?  
Please review!

The second chapter of this (very silly) story is an attempt  
at the 2002 Christmas challenge from the WIKTT group.  
Thanks for the inspiration, you fabulous people, you!


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